Secret Santa ************ Sean Altman Arrangement: Sean Altman Lead vocal: Sean Altman Here comes Santa with the loot Big red hat black shiny boots If you been good you got a tune to sing But if you ain't you don't get anything Yeah, stockings empty, candles lit Reindeer champing at the bit If you ain't shown you know good from bad Well you'll be one lonesome lonely lad But if you say your prayers and go "Yes, ma'am" Get good at deflecting blame You'll have a great Christmas and get two for one You get the gifts that were meant for your rotten sis Santas Claus alias a.k.a. St. Nick He zigs and zags so serpentine, quite a feat since he's so darn bovine If you're good you're smack dab on his route But if you ain't your Christmas is kaput Just cop a squat on Santa's knee The beer breath and the burps are free But to get St. Nick to sweeten the pot You better prove yourself one worthy tot You gotta take out the trash with a passion Wipe your feet coming in from the rain If you deign double duty on your do's and don'ts You'll have a closetful of everything you wants Hey there, hey there Is the floor beneath the Christmas tree bare? Just lift some cash from your mama quick Pop it air mail to the North Pole "Attention St. Nick" You better walk that dog with emotion Scoop that poop with an uncommon zeal If you want big red to even know you're alive Then be a saint 24-7-365 Yeah, sucking in that winter gut Bursting like a roast chestnut Got the deer popping wheelies with your fave knickknack Life two pound of baloney in a one pound sack What's that? A big-hearted burly on an old swayback That's right Santa - he's on your track...! Jack!