Secret Santa
                                  ************
                                   Sean Altman
                             Arrangement: Sean Altman
                             Lead vocal: Sean Altman
 
 Here comes Santa with the loot
 Big red hat black shiny boots
 If you been good you got a tune to sing
 But if you ain't you don't get anything
 
 Yeah, stockings empty, candles lit
 Reindeer champing at the bit
 If you ain't shown you know good from bad 
 Well you'll be one lonesome lonely lad
 
 But if you say your prayers and go "Yes, ma'am"
 Get good at deflecting blame
 You'll have a great Christmas and get two for one
 You get the gifts that were meant for your rotten sis
 Santas Claus alias a.k.a. St. Nick
 
 He zigs and zags so serpentine, quite a feat since he's so darn bovine
 If you're good you're smack dab on his route
 But if you ain't your Christmas is kaput
 
 Just cop a squat on Santa's knee
 The beer breath and the burps are free
 But to get St. Nick to sweeten the pot
 You better prove yourself one worthy tot
 
 You gotta take out the trash with a passion
 Wipe your feet coming in from the rain
 If you deign double duty on your do's and don'ts
 You'll have a closetful of everything you wants
 
 Hey there, hey there
 Is the floor beneath the Christmas tree bare?
 Just lift some cash from your mama quick
 Pop it air mail to the North Pole "Attention St. Nick"
 
 You better walk that dog with emotion
 Scoop that poop with an uncommon zeal
 If you want big red to even know you're alive
 Then be a saint 24-7-365
 
 Yeah, sucking in that winter gut
 Bursting like a roast chestnut
 Got the deer popping wheelies with your fave knickknack
 Life two pound of baloney in a one pound sack
 What's that?  A big-hearted burly on an old swayback
 That's right Santa - he's on your track...! Jack!